Language-

Seen by many as the last bastion of true human expression. Seen by some as a tool which can be used to *wreckkkk those who disagree with you about which of the ‘Transformers” movies was better, on social media and in online forums (Breathes deeply).

However you see language and its role in your life, one thing is for sure- there’s an objective standard for what is proper and improper.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not exactly saying there’s no difference between the doodles I draw on post-it notes whilst on dreary 10 am phone calls, and a Renoir painting- of course, there’s a level of subjectivity when it comes to writing- it is after all, in its essence, a creative art form.

What I am saying, however, is that all this subjectivity does have its limits, and sometimes things can just be …well…bad!

But, those of you, like me, who have developed a love and appreciation for language and for proper expression, know all too well the heartache and frustration when reading the work of someone who has completely butchered a sentence or phrase. It’s a feeling that evokes a visceral sense of consternation, and you can feel James Joyce roll to his side and facepalm in his dusty, whiskey-soaked grave.

And with this strenuous (and no doubt, needless) metaphor, do I usher in the point of this article.

As the Editor of Search Marketing Australia (SEMA), I deal with, vet and edit all of the guest post submissions sent to us, of which there are …uh… many. And often, much of my week is spent combing through the piles of …(how do I put this nicely)…interesting (?) article pitches and guest post submissions sent to us. Many of which are fantastic! Some of which are downright mad.

 

So, if you want to be a guest blogger for Search Marketing Australia, it will mean paying attention to a few basic principles:

Firstly, try writing to our editorial team using the English Language, and not with the grammar and expression of a Tatooine native trying very hard to learn English (Star Wars guys!).

 

(N.B. The genius that wrote in with the above message to our editorial team now lives in Minneapolis, Minnesota with his wife and 4 beautiful children, and is finally ‘slepping eesy’. Maybe. No one actually knows.)

 

via GIPHY

Often, the submissions we receive are simply too well written, and thus, are rejected on the basis of being too brilliant and illuminating, not to mention the use of such in-vogue gender-inclusive greetings like; ‘Gooday Men’.

A submission sent to us (pictured below), was begrudgingly rejected on the basis that it was in fact too relevant to our readers- being an audience of avid digital marketing professionals. Rest assured- I took no pleasure in knocking back a guest post submission, detailing ‘How To Cook A Perfect Summer Salad’.

So, my most sincere apologies, dear readers…but I guess we’ll never know.

Thanks, Steven.

Another thing to avoid when sending guest-post submissions is the ‘quirky email sign-off’.

Known affectionately in the industry as: ‘Oh! My god! Lauren come and look at this LOL!’, these sign-offs do nothing to better your chances of your submission being accepted or published, despite what your 38-year old uncle who used a website once, will tell you.

A big shout out to Big Nelson and the Funky Bunch for this classic- needless to say, we did not let him ‘post on our blogs’.

…mate.

You may have guessed by now that this was less of an attempt to educate you, the reader, of what we’re looking for in a guest-post submission, and more of an opportunity to share with you some of the truly hilarious things that have ended up in our SEMA inbox- you’re welcome.

 

In any case, if you are interested in submitting article pitches to us, we’d love to hear from you! And, in the interest of providing our readers with the best, most relevant content out there, check our submission guidelines here before sending submissions through to us.

 

Stay classy guest-posters.

 

SEMA out.

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